That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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