you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
