Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
