My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
