no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
