i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
