So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
