omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
