just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
