Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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