someone owes me an orgasm
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As shirtless as possible
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
