from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
