this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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