She is in my trunk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
