A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
