I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
