Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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