3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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