I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
