I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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