she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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