Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Welp...herpes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Terrible idea I love it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
