I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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