Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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