Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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