i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
