I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
