You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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