Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize