The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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