Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
