you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
