You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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