He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sober January is a disaster.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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