Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
