This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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