She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
