I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
