i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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