lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
