I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
