Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
