Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
