when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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