I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
