So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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