i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
