I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
