The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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