My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
