its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
