I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
