i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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