i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
