I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
