I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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