This is not my ceiling
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
