Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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