No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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