i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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