He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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