In the future we'll all be gay
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
