I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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