I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
