I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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