I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
