Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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