You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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