if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
