my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
