God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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