There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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