I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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