So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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