Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
