I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
