Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
