Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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