Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
