this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Couch. On fire.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
