Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
