mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
