all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
